Choices, Choices, Choices

I lived and worked at a residential school for at-risk adolescent girls for 3 1/2 years after I graduated from college. While there, I was especially known for one phrase– “it’s all about choices.” The girls probably got really sick of me saying it, but I firmly believed (and still do) that recognizing that they had a choice in every action was an essential key to their success. All too often, they believed that their actions were a product of their past, a result of others’ actions or circumstances. Just because things have been a certain way for a particular period of time does not mean that they must continue. And while I think we probably all mentally recognize this truth, sometimes we don’t feel or act out of that conviction.

This belief in an ability to choose one’s actions and/or direction in life is actually one of the resiliency factors that educators are using to counter at-risk characteristics in students: “Students who take control of projects and incorporate their own ideas and interests into the final product develop a healthy sense of agency and internal locus of control, both of which contribute to students’ experiences of educational resilience” (Downey, 59). Choice has also been shown to be a factor that helps employees “buy in” to a company’s mission or project. We are hard-wired to want a say in how things go and opportunities to share and act on our ideas.

I believe that choices and decisions eliminate our ability to make excuses; rather than blaming outside forces or circumstances, we recognize our own influence on our actions, or lack thereof. Excuses are crippling; they allow things to stay as they are. I recently saw a pin on Pinterest that touched on this subject– ”What you allow is what will continue.” It’s so true. There certainly will be things that are beyond one’s control, but we still have a choice in how we respond to circumstances and others’ actions.

I often need to remind myself that the only person I can control is myself. For better or worse, it’s up to me to determine what my life will look like. Now, as Christians, we certainly acknowledge the presence and influence of the Lord in ordering our steps, but I don’t believe that makes us powerless. The president of the college from which I graduated used to say that sometimes we’ll have two (or more) options and when we ask the Lord whether we should walk through door A or B, He’ll simply reply “yes.” We’ve been given brains, common sense, freedom, and willpower so that we can make wise choices and exert our will.

So my question is this… well, technically I have a few: Are you giving your people opportunities to make choices? Do they believe they have opportunities to contribute? Are we teaching our kids how to make wise decisions? Are we teaching our students that they absolutely are responsible for the decisions that are shaping their lives? And perhaps most important, are we making wise choices in our own lives? Or are we allowing excuses to hinder our progress?

Downey, J.A. (2008). Recommendations for Fostering Educational Resilience in the Classroom. Preventing School Failure, 53(1), 56-64.

Culture Clashes

I recently finished reading Susan Cain's book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. I'd highly recommend it; as one such introvert about whom she writes, nearly everything she wrote resonated with me. One topic in particular has stayed with me since I read it (and, truthfully, since I heard her TED Talk). In her book, she wrote about a shift that took place in America that Warren Susman, a cultural historian, described as a change from a "Culture of Character" to a "Culture of Personality."

"In the Culture of Character, the ideal self was serious, disciplined, and honorable. What counted was not so much the impression one made in public as how one behaved in private. The word personality didn't exist until the eighteenth century, and the idea of 'having a good personality' was not widespread until the twentieth. But when they embraced the Culture of Personality, Americans started to focus on how others perceived them. They became captivated by people who were bold and entertaining" (Cain, 2012, p. 21).

It is completely obvious that this certainly describes much of today's culture-- charisma and appearance sway, substance is secondary. And honestly, I can't help but feel that we've lost something here. What's even more disturbing is that so many people (teens being especially susceptible) are completely oblivious to the fact that they are being influenced and making choices based on personality rather than substance. Just look at advertising strategies-- promoting people and products using qualities that Cain lists as characteristics of the Culture of Personality (magnetic, fascinating, stunning, attractive, glowing, dominant, forceful, energetic) are the tools of the trade (Cain, 2012, pp. 23-24).

I would argue that we're setting ourselves up for failure.

We're doing our kids, students, employees, and peers a disservice if we're not encouraging and equipping them to look for the character and substance under a personality, and more importantly, to develop their own. I'm not arguing that we completely dismiss the personality; obviously we have to speak the language of the culture to a certain extent, but I think we have to do the hard work that comes along with developing the moral fiber that is essential to consistent, long-term success.

I recently traveled to Europe, and I was struck by the difference in Europeans' appreciation for things that take time and effort-- food, flowers, architectural details, sitting in a cafe enjoying and investing in relationships, etc. In our busy, convenience driven culture, we may be sacrificing more than we realize by not investing in the things that take days, months, and years to develop. My challenge is simply to take a second look.

Source: Cain, S. (2012). Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking. New York, NY: Crown Publishers.