Foundations

Children thrive on routine and structure. Though they may originally fight you on rules, there is great security that comes from predictability and consistency. My girls at the residential school used to be this way; they would come into our program and HATE the rules (and admittedly, there were a lot). This, however, did establish a pattern of safety for many of them who had not had security, predictability, or consistency ever before. There certainly needs to be balance; we mixed free time and fun times in with the structure and more often than not our girls have said that they wished they could come back. It created an environment in which they could be confident they could achieve, or be willing to try new things because their foundation was secure.

In Educational Psychology: Windows on Classrooms, Paul Eggen and Don Kauchak (2010) write, "...certain parenting styles, general patterns of interacting with an disciplining children, promote more healthy personal development than others, and the effects of these styles can last into the college years, influencing motivation, achievement, and relationships with teachers" (p.63). Research has shown that the most beneficial parenting style is an authoritative style. The authoritative style is characterized by a combination of high expectations, explanations for the rules, structure, care, and support (Eggen & Kauchak, 2010, p. 64). I would argue that this style of parenting can also be used by those who are in leadership over students-- this includes teachers, youth workers, pastors, etc.

Parenting this way certainly requires purposeful planning. High expectations require you to be present and involved in the activities in which they participate so you know what is realistic and possible with support and appropriate tools. Consistency is also a key. If they know that you won't follow through with specific consequences for particular behaviors, there will be no need to meet your expectations.

Let's demand more from our students. And let's give them the tools they need to succeed. It really is in their best interest.

Sources:

Eggen, P. & Kauchak, D. (2010). Educational psychology: windows on classrooms. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc.

Goleman, D., Boyatzis, R. & McKee, A. (2002). Primal leadership: Learning to lead with emotional intelligence. Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Press.